Good Parenting?

Good parenting? 

Parenting is the biggest and toughest challenge one will ever face in life. There cannot be any guide that will answer all the questions and challenges that one encounters in the journey of parenting. 

From feeding your infant and ensuring they sleep and allow you to sleep to teenage tantrums to help them handle the stress of boards and college admissions, the list is endless. There is not one strategy that works every time. Each time a new strategy needs to be adopted. Through this journey, we discover how understanding or not-understanding we are, we discover the patient listener in us, and we discover the compassionate soul we are. In fact, through my journey as a parent, I have discovered so many facets of myself that I never knew existed.

So what constitutes a good parent? Is there a checklist? As a teacher of adolescent kids and a mother of a teenager at the cusp of becoming an adult, I have learned a few things and would like to share them with you: 

A thought-out No - before saying a No, ask yourself - "Is the child’s demand justified? What would I have done if I was their age and what kind of reply would I have expected from my parents?" This question changes the impulsive No to a conversation that will help you understand their point of view and help you frame your response in a more subtle and constructive manner so that the child doesn’t feel bad. 

Handling inefficiencies  - Even if we sparsely scored above 80% in our school days, and we hardly know the true marks of our spouses, we want our children to be high achievers. Even if we are tardy at work and in life, we want our children to meet deadlines way before time. While it's good to be ambitious, let us be real. When the teacher calls to complain about our child’s tardiness and low grades, while you might find it shameful, step into the shoes of your child. Ask the child the reason behind the tardiness and low grades. Talk to them. Understand their challenges without judging them and PLEASE REFRAIN FROM BOASTING AND SHARING YOUR GREAT ACHIEVEMENTS DURING YOUR SCHOOL DAYS. Our brains and our child's brain aren't wired similarly and your success stories might end up intimidating them rather than encouraging them. While you think you peaked at 16 and your spouse thinks that they peaked at 12, your child will probably peak at 24 or 30 or later. Be their strong pillar that they can lean on. 

Character assassinations: While it is good to protect our kids from the ever-changing world that is exposed to many inappropriate things very early in life, we can’t hide them in our houses. I learned from one of my students that teenagers are curious and want to explore new avenues that they were unaware of as a kid. If we walk into our child’s room and notice that they have locked their doors or walk in to see them watching or chatting something inappropriate, don’t immediately start judging them. You might think that they are too young to be exposed to such content. The sad truth is that they know it and it's time for us to accept that they are aware of it. NOW IT’S TIME FOR A CONVERSATION. Talk to them about their curiosity openly and make them understand the ill effects it can have on them. Cite research findings and refrain from throwing your opinions. AGAIN NO PERSONAL CHILDHOOD ANECDOTES. We parents/ adults love to talk about our part-fictional childhood in the most glorified manner to our children. TRUST ME, they aren’t interested. 

These are my few cents for today. Happy parenting. Enjoy the moments you have before they disappear from your hand like desert sand.